Pat Down Enthusiast Pillows

'I'm not flying anywhere... I'm just here for the pat down search.'

'I don't like heights...maybe that's why I've had so many low points in my life.'

"Well, at least we know she died peacefully."

How The Sausage Is Eaten

"Personally, I'd like to hire you, Mike, but the company has some serious concerns about your core competencies!"

Businessman sees sign in window of 'Fred's Chili Bowl' restaurant: 'Now Hiring a Bean Counter'.

'...However, he is such a heck of a nice guy, we're going to give him the touchdown anyway.'

'But he's supposed to tell everyone how much you weigh! '

'Oh, this will be good! He just putted into a sand trap...our litter box.'

'The Wilsons picked up a quarterback in the off-season. The Riveras picked up a quarterback. The Ludwigs picked up a quaterback...'

"Okay, quote me. I'm on the record."

These upside-down tomato planters simplify everything. But, dad. Mother nature wants plants to grow upwards. Sez who?

James's Mayfair Gym - Punting Machine.

'He's checking with his agent to see if it's okay to score a try!'

"Keep it up. His knuckles are getting really sore"

Self Raising Flour

"Oh, wait. He's on their side."

Dog to other: 'I think I'm becoming quite addicted to pats on the head.'

"Let's do exactly what these pundits in the halftime report said we should do. If we lose, we'll blame them!"

"You're back! You're really back...!"

"We should have taken a eweber."

"I wish I had known you have arachnophobia before I paid."

"Harvey's staying with shoulders."

"Try a new tactic, punch back."

'He hibernates between superbowls.'

"Junior, there's more to life than winning. There's also getting compensation for closed-head injuries."

Friendly fire!

Cat boxer

Blue Tit Bank.

Just sitting here kicking field goals (smiley face emoji)

'Whoa! Don't try to be a hero. It's too late for Dan, but let this be a lesson...'

Football

You'll grow into your sister's hand-me-downs soon enough, dear.

'Both benches have emptied, and now the brawl is spreading to the spectators!'

'Get the stretcher! He's got a mole on his leg that looks a little funky!!'