Pastoral Comic Lover Gifts

"God, I hate cows."

Support group for sheep.

"Your shepherd, Louie, has retired. I'm Mr. Smathers. I will be your grazing-resource coördinator and flock welfare-and-security manager."

'Well, that's just great...you can part the Red Sea, but you can't open a jar of pickles for me!'

Summer in Elysium and The long vacation in Arcadia

"I must have pressed the wrong button."

"He was much more effective in the field."

"We’re trying to inject a little pastoralism into our lives."

"And the Lord he sayeth 'doest thou thinkest I knoweth not who sniggereth at the back there?'"

'Nonsense! They can't All have headaches.'

"Ugh, I need to hide - he has a strict policy about workplace dating."

'A WOMAN? -- Well, I'll be damned!'

"Faith cannot be bought. We do, however, offer an attractive leasing option."

'Go on and have fun, I'll keep an eye on him...'

Money or no money, root of all evil?

"Let me see if I can get Him on speakerphone."

Beaten up man to Good Samaritan: 'Thank you. My insurance doesn't cover roadside service.'

"Tell you what, Mark, when we write the gospels, better edit out that bit."

Man on the way to Heaven worries about steps.

'If the election were being held today, would you vote for the stupid candidate or the evil candidate?'

'Tell me about yourself. How long have you been dead?'

"The way you kept yelling my name I thought you needed help!"

A cattle baron.

A Consideration Certainly

Sex and Violence....Hell and Brimstone.

"Now think on - comb your hair and tuck your shirt in."

Sheep dreaming of man jumping over fence

"Get ready...set...ruminate!"

"Hi Daddy! Mummy said to tell you she's gone to chew the cud next door with Daisy..."

'Sorry you can't come in. You're Boring.'

'You'll need a username and password to enter...'

Jesus walks on water (with his dog Saul) "Jesus Christ, slow it down!"

Paradise