Passive-aggressive Humor Fan Pillows

Warning: This car is protected by powerful anti-squeegee devices.

"Better bring me another cookie. The last one fell in the water."

'The ghost walks this passage every night Monday to Friday. He has weekends off.'

"It better not be any of that over oaked chardonnay."

'Taxes are going up, but that's no excuse to earn less, Mr. Syms.'

The Brothers Grime

'The world already ended, but the government hushed it up.'

"You see, it's perfectly safe to tease him..."

'They help with my nicotine patch addiction.'

'-and you're living proof that ALL men are not born equal, runt!'

'Seriously, in this day and age, how can people still believe in this nonsense that we have evolved from microbes...?'

'We're going to need to find a scapegoat.'

Trump Poutine

'I really wish you guys would knock that off.'

"Uh Oh! Jehovah's"

'What did I tell you? There's always a catch to those bargain internet travel fares...'

A Golden Non-Retriever

"Grapes, Rye, Malt... I got into this through my vegetarianism."

Beer Parasol.

US Credit: 'I'm down grading your credit rating...'

Winter Weather.

'More government surveillance!'

"My favorite part of the story was when Prince Charming kissed Sleeping Beauty and she totally rebooted."

'You're supposed to bring the newspaper to ME!'

'You're one of my kids? Really? I'm so sorry, I have so many it's hard to remember them all...'

"For the last time, we never need the route with the fewest turns."

"I'm you from the future! Or the past. I've completely lost track of time."

'Joe has been partying hard!'

'Trust me, you're not going to need an alarm clock.'

"I fell to the ground from a height of about two metres when I was born: My very first stunt!"

"I sold my soul for about a tenth of what the damn things are going for now."

'Too many people in our state are overweight, Senator. They want fat-free pork.'