Passion For Penalties Gifts

Deathbed Conversion

"England losing from a penalty shootout again!"

How The Sausage Is Eaten

"Personally, I'd like to hire you, Mike, but the company has some serious concerns about your core competencies!"

Businessman sees sign in window of 'Fred's Chili Bowl' restaurant: 'Now Hiring a Bean Counter'.

Goalkeeper makes the wrong save.

"Okay, quote me. I'm on the record."

'Half-time, full-time - It's gone into penalties, woman!'

'And remember...no sudden moves in the shoot out.'

Self Raising Flour

Goal

"We should have taken a eweber."

"Seven bookings and four sendings off, and that was just in the queue for pies."

Penalty

'Uh-oh. That's the 'special' whistle. ... This is going to be a major penalty.'

Tickets. Game Today. Football is not the same up here. Buying a ticket from a scalper won't get you in --- You have to see Saint Peter to get through the gate. Need Ticket. The players literally fly around the field. And all penalties are forgiven. Are there any similarities to the game on earth? Yeah. When the officials review a close play, it takes an eternity!

Whack the author.

Crime and punishment - football.

On this date: Overly enthused and attending an NHL game en masse, the National Parole Board exceeds its mandate.

'We call it 'Fred'. He's our best penalty kicker.'

'He's one of the strictest referees in the competition...'

"Oi! Whose side are you on, ref?"

"Alright, a yellow will stop him doing it again, but so would a b----y RED!"

"An own-goal and a rebound penalty, huh!"

1981 - Introduction of goal nets and penalty kicks to the newly-formed Football League.

'You're not allowed out of the Coach's Penalty Box.'

'Your personals ad said you sold stocks.'

Cookie Does

'I'm really shy you see: I guess I'll never be a 'Social Butterfly'...'

'And do you promise to tell the tooth, the whole tooth, and nothing but the tooth so help you God?'

'Death penalty'

"...and over there, are the foothills of Misery Mountain."

'There goes a flag... could be a face-mask penalty.'

'He was warned. One more 'T' and he'd be gone.'

Off the post!