Passion For Penalties Pillows

Deathbed Conversion

How The Sausage Is Eaten

"Personally, I'd like to hire you, Mike, but the company has some serious concerns about your core competencies!"

Businessman sees sign in window of 'Fred's Chili Bowl' restaurant: 'Now Hiring a Bean Counter'.

Goalkeeper makes the wrong save.

"Okay, quote me. I'm on the record."

'Half-time, full-time - It's gone into penalties, woman!'

'And remember...no sudden moves in the shoot out.'

Self Raising Flour

Goal

"We should have taken a eweber."

"Seven bookings and four sendings off, and that was just in the queue for pies."

Penalty

'Uh-oh. That's the 'special' whistle. ... This is going to be a major penalty.'

Crime and punishment - football.

Whack the author.

'We call it 'Fred'. He's our best penalty kicker.'

'He's one of the strictest referees in the competition...'

"Oi! Whose side are you on, ref?"

Cookie Does

"Alright, a yellow will stop him doing it again, but so would a b----y RED!"

"An own-goal and a rebound penalty, huh!"

1981 - Introduction of goal nets and penalty kicks to the newly-formed Football League.

'You're not allowed out of the Coach's Penalty Box.'

'Your personals ad said you sold stocks.'

'I'm really shy you see: I guess I'll never be a 'Social Butterfly'...'

'And do you promise to tell the tooth, the whole tooth, and nothing but the tooth so help you God?'

'He was warned. One more 'T' and he'd be gone.'

'Here's a very sentimental script about a policeman.'

Off the post!

'There goes a flag... could be a face-mask penalty.'

'Death penalty'