Party Socialite Gifts

'I got mine at a garage sale for only 99 cents.'

'We're strong supporters of public radio and emoticons.'

'This is Morgan Bottomley. He's too big to fail.'

'Of course it's his 'real hair' dear, who'd buy a toupee as awful as that?!'

Seniors Snooker Tournament.

"He was overly socialized as a puppy."

'A Ball at the Mansion House'

"Another flue shot, Larry.

Children's Party

Every morning the office gossip was cascaded down...

"'Mr. Evans,' she said to me with that adorable smile, 'I think you're the nicest boy in the entire old-boy network.'"

A little sharpener before dinner, darling?

LEMONADE, 'Actually, I hate places like this.'

"Whoa! Wrong bar?"

Rod was unimpressed with the party - Sure, he was surrounded by bikini-clad lovelies, there was free champagne and a 20-foot jelly, but much to his chagrin, there was a distinct lack of cheese and pineapple chunks.

"Bob choked on a spoon of caviar while he was on skiing vacation in St. Moritz."

'Everyone here likes a big band, right?'

'Fill 'er up Fred!'

"I never get a girls name tattooed on a first date."

"Brian's considering the optics."

A day at the races

'Ah, beer! And the bringer of beer!'

'Can I get you anything? Coffee? A biscuit?...A lift home?'

"What might you have written that I might say I've read?"

"There's a notice from the co-op board. Would we be interested in playing softball on the Great Lawn?"

"This is the Upper East Side, sir. We don’t sell ‘well’ vodka."

"Please try not to offer expert analysis."

Health organizations doubt the benefits of skiing holidays.

"Francophobe meet Francophile."

'Can anybody here separate their fingers and if so will you pour?'

"Either you're emitting the scent of power, or your phone battery is about to explode."

'Oh, we've met. We were once married to one another.'

"Imogene is just back from an extended trip through the Navajo country."

"Your party just totally blew us away."

"I want you two to meet some people who just bought a fabulous five-story brownstone with a garden in Troy, New York."