Party Pooper Humorist Pillows

"Happy Birthday, Collins. Now eat your cupcake, lose the clown and get back to work."

"I think I'm having pre-traumatic stress disorder."

"Jack Daniels-in-a-box"

'Man. Piltdown Man.'

'Thanks for the invitation, but I can never seem to find the energy to party...'

'... So I said to Dave; 'You're not going to wear that baggy old thing are you?' But, he decided to come nude anyway.'

"Good luck, Sanders. We're sure going to miss that little imitation you do of me at office parties."

Happy New Year! Hope you can stay up for it!

Conga train chasing a man at a party.

'This patch is to quit smoking...this patch is to quit drinking...this patch is to quit drugs...this patch is to quit coffee...and this patch is to quit having any kind of fun whatsover!'

'Thanks for the invitation, but I can never seem to find the energy to party...'

"I know it's only been a little while since we've been allowed to mingle again but I'm already getting really tired of people."

'Hello, my name is Death'

"I'm passing on Halloween parties this year. You just know everyone's going to show up as Martha Stewart."

'You've had enough!'

Another great new year's eve! We're not doing anything, Ames. That's what's so good about it. The Dixons asked us over for a Quaker new year. They pop the bottles at 9 p.m. I guess

'I hate the new vicar's cheese and wine parties.'

"Right now, I'm between naps."

"Man, this party's boring... do you think we oughta add a laugh track?"

'I just read that in order to get the same benefit as lab mice got from taking resveratrol, you'd have to drink 1,000 bottles of wine per day. For you, that would mean cutting back.'

'I hope you'll excuse the pajamas. They save time when people leave.'

'Your wife didn't do this. I'd recognize your handwriting anywhere.'

'So I guess it's New Year!'

'Actually, I hate places like this.'

"Hey, I'm just happy the transplant worked at all."

"Not a chance."

'I think you may have misunderstood the invitation when it said 'Black Tie Only'!'

"Let's be realistic. Are we all going to try to keep this party afloat, or should we just go home and forget it?"

'Your husband has...charisma? Oh we had one - but the big end kept going.'

"Dreadful party, nobody to talk to!"

"Did someone forget to invite Dwayne?"

"Who you calling a candya**?"

A cupcake jumps out of a birthday cake.

'I hate these things. They're always so formal.'

'The Ghost of Birthday Present couldn't make it. I'm the Ghost of No Birthday Present.'