Party Perfectionists Gifts

Martha Stewart Takes Over The Universe

"She always wanted a huge wedding."

"I'd say we were pretty much on target."

"Why can't the rest of you be more like Rollins, here? He does his homework!"

"Bah, I could've written a better dénouement in my sleep."

'Personally I think one great improvement to these tea dances would be some tables.'

"Remember that optimistic, slightly crazy, throw a dart at the wall forecast? We beat it."

'Even in the mundane tasks, aim for perfection!'

'Eat the grass in perfect circles. It drives them crazy.'

Bathroom shelf full of clocks and pills.

Is it a book? A film? A TV show? How do you mime a podcast?

'Excellent. But try it again and this time start your sway at the beginning of the fourth bar, O.K.?'

Christmas Present Wrapping Service.

Santa's Out Tray.

'I don't want to be a shepherd. I want to be the policeman who interrupts the play to tell all the mummys and daddys who have parked irresponsibly and dangerously outside to move their cars...'

"I asked folks to bring whatever they want, so now we have ten tubs of guacamole, no chips, and eight cases of the most obnoxiously flavored hard seltzer."

It turns out people aren't buying our product because it's stupid.

Writer's Block Next 10 Miles

'I like the plot, but are all those nude scenes really necessary?'

"Page 33, line 4..."

"I never go anywhere unprepared!"

Cull people who talk and text during a concert you've paid good money to see.

"This gentleman would like a refund. He claims the plot broke down halfway through!"

'My holiday season: A rich tradition of belated giving and premature babbling.'

"I'm going to make eye contact only with this side because of the crick in my neck."

Drawing board disaster.

"I would never have become a senator if I knew I'd have to work so hard."

"He was okay with the spell check but he gets mad when it starts to correct the arc of his narrative development!"

4 Failure Types: Mr. Underprepared, Ms. Overprepared, Ms. Insecure, Mr. Overconfident

The Official Talking Christmas Tree in Dress For Excess

'We've lost the will to go on with our play! Is there a motivational speaker in the house?'

"Nana" Technology

'Can we have a starter for ten, please?'

Invention to hold knots while wrapping presents.

"No, no, no, no, no, no, no!"