Party Perfectionists Pillows

Martha Stewart Takes Over The Universe

"She always wanted a huge wedding."

"I'd say we were pretty much on target."

"Why can't the rest of you be more like Rollins, here? He does his homework!"

"Bah, I could've written a better dénouement in my sleep."

'Personally I think one great improvement to these tea dances would be some tables.'

"Remember that optimistic, slightly crazy, throw a dart at the wall forecast? We beat it."

'Eat the grass in perfect circles. It drives them crazy.'

'Even in the mundane tasks, aim for perfection!'

Bathroom shelf full of clocks and pills.

Is it a book? A film? A TV show? How do you mime a podcast?

"I asked folks to bring whatever they want, so now we have ten tubs of guacamole, no chips, and eight cases of the most obnoxiously flavored hard seltzer."

Christmas Present Wrapping Service.

'Excellent. But try it again and this time start your sway at the beginning of the fourth bar, O.K.?'

'I don't want to be a shepherd. I want to be the policeman who interrupts the play to tell all the mummys and daddys who have parked irresponsibly and dangerously outside to move their cars...'

It turns out people aren't buying our product because it's stupid.

'I like the plot, but are all those nude scenes really necessary?'

Writer's Block Next 10 Miles

"Page 33, line 4..."

'My holiday season: A rich tradition of belated giving and premature babbling.'

Cull people who talk and text during a concert you've paid good money to see.

"I never go anywhere unprepared!"

"This gentleman would like a refund. He claims the plot broke down halfway through!"

"I'm going to make eye contact only with this side because of the crick in my neck."

Drawing board disaster.

'We've lost the will to go on with our play! Is there a motivational speaker in the house?'

"I would never have become a senator if I knew I'd have to work so hard."

'Can we have a starter for ten, please?'

"He was okay with the spell check but he gets mad when it starts to correct the arc of his narrative development!"

4 Failure Types: Mr. Underprepared, Ms. Overprepared, Ms. Insecure, Mr. Overconfident

Invention to hold knots while wrapping presents.

"I shot 60 and you say that isn't bad, but I aim to do even better on the second hole!"

"No, no, no, no, no, no, no!"

A natural ratio, all too often dismissed by humankind