Participating In A Tv Competition Pillows

'Congratulations on reaching the grand final, how does it feel to be the biggest loser of all time?'

'He went in for the Worst Singer and won first prize in the Gurning competition at the same time!'

The deadly sport of cobra staring contests.

"What's the best way to break up a marriage?"

"This could be fun! Don't you do magic tricks, Cruz?"

'What have I told you about laughing on purpose, Mother?'

'It's a new reality show call 'Detoxing with the Stars'...'

"But that's the beauty of the game. At this very moment, your absurd vicarious defeat is being perfectly counterbalanced by some opposing fan's absurd vicarious triumph."

"People, we're writing a reality show. Use some imagination!"

"... but when the broadcasting company sent him $5,000 for his first script we laughed out of the other side of our mouths."

'Lorraine and Rover are entering 'Heelwork to music' at Crufts next year!'

Dancing with the Star Wars

'Uh-oh! Looks like there's going to be a fight.'

Broom Operators Deserve Better

"...And now for the local news."

Become a 'paranormal' investigator...

"I'm shopping my prison video around, but apparently if you don't shiv another inmate or become someone's bitch nobody's interested."

Ready to Rumble

"Our next act...Cruzini, the world's greatest magician!"

"Yes, but why do me want cookie?"

The Apprentice

'The head of our script department!'

Final Round of Biggest Snoozer.

A movie director shouting through bullhorn.

"I'd love to chat, Al, but I've got to hit the road."

'Spin, doctor!'

Sorry you are not a winner please try again

"Help me at the spelling bee tomorrow...to be confident...to do my best. If I win, that's great...but if I don't, help me remember that in the grand scheme of things...it's only a spelling bee."

"What? The survival TV program I'm going to be on allows me to bring one item, crucial for my well being."

Simon Cowell