Participating In A Tv Competition Gifts

'Congratulations on reaching the grand final, how does it feel to be the biggest loser of all time?'

'He went in for the Worst Singer and won first prize in the Gurning competition at the same time!'

The deadly sport of cobra staring contests.

MEGASTUDIOS, INC., 'Just think of it -- 'CSI Mayberry,' with Robert DeNiro as Andy and Wesley Snipes as Barney!'

"What's the best way to break up a marriage?"

'What have I told you about laughing on purpose, Mother?'

Do you swear to tell the truth, the whole truth, and nothing but the truth, unless it's a really sensational lie that will boost our ratings?

"This could be fun! Don't you do magic tricks, Cruz?"

'It's a new reality show call 'Detoxing with the Stars'...'

'I can't eat it! It's too horrible!' 'It's not I'm a Celebrity...Mum's dished up some wonky carrots.'

"But that's the beauty of the game. At this very moment, your absurd vicarious defeat is being perfectly counterbalanced by some opposing fan's absurd vicarious triumph."

"People, we're writing a reality show. Use some imagination!"

"... but when the broadcasting company sent him $5,000 for his first script we laughed out of the other side of our mouths."

'Lorraine and Rover are entering 'Heelwork to music' at Crufts next year!'

Dancing with the Star Wars

'Uh-oh! Looks like there's going to be a fight.'

Broom Operators Deserve Better

'The head of our script department!'

Become a 'paranormal' investigator...

Ready to Rumble

"Yes, but why do me want cookie?"

The Apprentice

"I'm shopping my prison video around, but apparently if you don't shiv another inmate or become someone's bitch nobody's interested."

"Our next act...Cruzini, the world's greatest magician!"

"...And now for the local news."

Final Round of Biggest Snoozer.

A movie director shouting through bullhorn.

"I'd love to chat, Al, but I've got to hit the road."

These guys are going to have some kind of contest. (Musical note.) Let's see who sings the best. (Question mark.) No. Let's play "Jeopardy." All answers must be in the form of a question. (Exclamation point.) Whatever we do, I'll be the most enthusiastic!! (Ampersand.) Can we form partnerships? (Dollar sign.) Is there any prize money? (Percentage symbol.) What are the chances of winning? (Asterisk.) Winning's not that important. With me here, winning will be marked as not wholly

'Spin, doctor!'

'How can you accuse your poor Dad of voter apathy? I vote on X-Factor, I'm a Celebrity, Strictly Come Dancing ...'

Sorry you are not a winner please try again

"Help me at the spelling bee tomorrow...to be confident...to do my best. If I win, that's great...but if I don't, help me remember that in the grand scheme of things...it's only a spelling bee."

'Congratulations! You've been selected for 'Total Desert Island Make-over'!'

"What? The survival TV program I'm going to be on allows me to bring one item, crucial for my well being."