Tv Contest Fan Gifts

The Apprentice

Xena: Warrior Princess, TV star, professional volleyball player.

"I'd like to buy a BOWEL."

'Straight eye for the queer guy.'

Clive Anderson

"What's the best way to break up a marriage?"

'The employee who guesses closest to the correct number of beans in this jar will be awarded this year's annual pay increase! -Management, ATOZ Accountants

'Rhea of the Year.'

The Mom quiz show

"Next riddle without looking it up, can you tell me which is the routing number and which is the account?"

"Lenders are a lot more cautious about 'interest free' mortgages these days. "

'... And I'd like to thank my agent and everyone who voted for me... '

"Thanks Dave. I don't know about you folks, but I can feel it coming in the air tonight."

'Sorry, viewers, I was going to show you one I made earlier but it's been scoffed by the second assistant sound engineer.'

'That should be an easy act to follow.'

"I'm a TV producer. I can get you on one of those fake judge programs, and you'll both become famous."

Good Morning Britain has just achieved something previously thought impossible...by making Piers Morgan the most likeable man on screen.

'If I never get my 15 minutes of fame, I at least want a giant cutout face of myself.'

Executives are evaluated in Dancing With The Stars style.

'Congratulations. You're our 15th caller. The grant is yours!'

'I stopped watching Sesame Street the second I found out it was educational.'

Ostrich TV.

Well, it's not my fault if nobody bothered to tune the microphone.'

Tommy Cooper

'Would you believe, all this is just part of a new reality show?'

Ronni Ancona.

'If we lose the malpractice lawsuit, we can always sell it to the Bloopers Channel.'

"She's good because she is our bookkeeper."

'I'm no Einstein, but I play one on TV!'

'The contest brought in only twenty two wrappers...'

'You call that carol singing?'

"How about that! Wanda, you also landed on cheese."

'And your specialist subject is the Invisible Man films?'

"This i why I always dress in bright colors."

Kylie Minogue.