Contest Fanatic Gifts

'Rhea of the Year.'

Rudy, you wanna know possible names for your generation? Huh? The L-Generation for loser, the C-generation for clueless or connected, J for jerk or W for whiners. These readers suggestions all have something in common. None of them won the contest to name Rudy's generation. Not that we're taunting the non-winners. C'mon, taunt the losers!! Winner to be named any day now.

"We need to do something about excessive admin. I want you to fill out one of these forms every time you think you're doing some."

"Simplified application form? . . . This IS the simplified application form!"

'Upgrades? Yes, we've programmed it to excrete a few drops of water if it should lose a chess match. You know - tears.'

The hare and the tortoise - the rematch.

"What's the best way to break up a marriage?"

'The employee who guesses closest to the correct number of beans in this jar will be awarded this year's annual pay increase! -Management, ATOZ Accountants

Rugby Mad.

'It's just possible that the best candidate is the one who wins the Spoon Race.'

"Now that I can watch whatever I want, whenever I want, my life has no structure."

"Oh I don't work here, I just love filling out forms."

'Congratulations. You're our 15th caller. The grant is yours!'

'The contest brought in only twenty two wrappers...'

Tug the Toggle

"Now to file 50 million completed Census forms"

"Wow, 27, not bad! Me, I've ruined 53 surfing competitions..."

Annual Lump Festival Competition:'I don't know if I can give an award, they're all so fantastic..'

The New Simplified Tax Return!...Step 1: Calculate income from all sources...Step 2: Send it.

'Nothing beats that Procedure Form C4/34.2FF6932 completion feeling...'

I must say, that's the most pathetic bar promotion I've ever seen. Tuesdays! Wet Socks Contest!

'Sir, the coffee request form you requested is now three, federal, state and local;'

'This is my trophy wife...I won her in a bowling tournament.'

"Missing out at the AWARDS was BIG upset to Jim...but luckily his team has rallied around to repair the damage...to his ego!"

The Apprentice

Golden Village: Lawn Mowing Races

'No wonder you're still tired -- you were campaigning in your sleep all night.'

National Fat Man Thong Competition

Marlon James

'You're excited about winning a traveling toothbrush kit in a sweepstakes after spending $300 on postage and entering 1,500 contests?'

"Ok guys, Let's fill in some forms,"

'What GPs don't appreciate is that if you don't have middle managers to oversee forms like the 566c4-566 then you wouldn't even KNOW how many 566c4-566s have been filled out.'

"It's not enough to write 'Megabucks' on your return, Mr. Clacton. You're supposed to tell us how many."

'I'd like the short form instead.'

Knobbly knees champion