Parrot Owner Gifts

'You know, our health plan doesn't cover dental.'

'Because I have a thpeech impediment.'

Polly want a cracker? You always want to throw crackers at the problem, Lars. Why can't you throw money at it once in a while?

Pirate's missing parrot.

"When is my next parole hearing?"

'We finally found the source of all those wikileaks!'

"Where did he get that language from?"

"He also barks, meows and makes noises like a hamster."

"I'm especially not allowed to discuss the trial in front of him!"

"... and I have a follow-up question regarding rawhide."

"Think of it as twenty one in human years. I'll take a bourbon and toilet water."

Indoor Climbing Centre for Cats.

"Those aren't coconuts, they're tennis balls." "Sweet mother of Novak Djokovic!" The island of lost tennis balls.

'Someone got me because I matched her purse, I've been to a rock concert, a night club and two weddings, Life as a designer dog is great but I'd trade caviar for kibble to get a good night's sleep,'

"We can see through the troposphere, stratosphere, mesosphere and into all those distant stars up there in outer space... truly remarkable, huh, girl?"

Wally Begins research for his thesis entitled "who's a good dog?"

'I wonder if they have any water filters?'

"But everyone is befuddled by math."

Dog looks perplexed as man has his head out the window taking in the beer smells.

"Any idea how long your family might be visiting?"

Dog Hunting Trophies.

"Lemme know when you’re ready to howl at it."

"I didn't know she could body surf. Did you know she could body surf?"

"Oh no, after you. I insist!"

"Bad dog! I've told you to always proofread."

"Barking sometimes helps me relax. But then it drives the neighbors crazy."

"And where have you previously moused?"

Dog Nightmares

'Cat or dog?' - 'A little of both.'

'Table scraps, doggie-bag goodies, dropped hot dogs, the cat's dish of food and your master's slippers.'

I'm at the shrub with the empty bag of pretzels we sniffed last week. Where are you?

Haute Suture

'Super Dog'

"What I'd give for a stimulating conversation..."

"Parts of a dog" "Hears food drop" "Smells food" "Chews food" "Swallows food" "Digests food" "Moves toward food" "Signals for food" "Makes room for more food"