Parrot Caretaker Gifts

'If birds reproduce by laying eggs, what's this BIRDSEED stuff all about?'

"Foster failure"

"When is my next parole hearing?"

"Any idea how long your family might be visiting?"

'You know too much!'

"I have to refill it everyday. He has a tendency to retain water."

"As I was only saying the other day..."

"He also barks, meows and makes noises like a hamster."

'I suppose you want Polly to forget she heard that.'

'Polly wants a cracker! Fetch!'

"I finally gave in, I got sick of hearing, 'Polly want a podcast?... Polly want a podcast!'"

"She's a miniature."

"I don't actually talk, I just mimic sounds."

'They sure have small litters.'

'If he's only five years old, how come he knows the words to 'See the USA in your Chevrolet'?'

'Hon, can you fill the dog's water dish?'

'I can tell you one thing, Madam. These ears have been neglected...

"The incessant chatter was driving me crackers, so I got him his own twitter account."

With Wally the hermit crab showing no signs of life, Shirley yields to her kids' pleas and performs mouth-to-mouth resuscitation.

Lady taking her Cochin chickens for a walk.

'I object, Your Honor! Hearsay evidence!'

'You reek of crackers.'

Dog Food

'May I speak to you alone, Cap'n?'

"I'm sixty three in human years and the mother of octuplets. Again."

"You spend far too much time on social media, Joe!"

'Where did the little bird go?'

"Rest assured, anything you say in this office won't get repeated by me."

Dog wearing a cone around his waist: 'Hemorrhoids.'

'You know, our health plan doesn't cover dental.'

'Do you realize he barked all last night?'

"Your dinner's on the table and yours is under the table."

"Yes, it is a beautiful day but what makes you think you can go outside and play?"

"Maybe I've been brainwashed, but at this point I do believe I actually want a goddamn cracker."

'You're a smooth talker, Alphonse, but around here that's not enough.'