Paris Fantasist Gifts

'I'd give anything to be in a dumpster in Paris, France, right now,' Paris, France, right now.'

"I was going to chuck it all and go to Paris but I didn't have enough frequent-flier miles."

"I got super baked in the shire and accidentally recruited these four little weirdos for the most important mission of all time."

'Me, I don't spend my pocket money: I hoard it...'

"I'm not here to slay you. I'm here to talk to you about diversifying your investment portfolio."

"Well, what did you expect? They were both missing vital organs."

Fairy Library - Frontispiece to Jack and the Beanstalk

"Little help?"

"We'll always have Paris..."

ET Mishap

"If you really want independence, you should get into contract law."

"No Frodo, we are still many leagues from Mordor. This is from a wildfire by I-5 west of Bakersfield."

"Where the wild things were."

Cat with Lion reflection in mirror

A bridge builder using an organic blow torch.

"It that it? I don't have my contacts in."

Cafe Momus from La Boheme

Ricky discovers only cartoon cats can fly.

"Harry Potter and the People Who Care Way Too Much About Harry Potter"

"Whosoever slays this dragon may marry the princess."

"What the hell took so long?"

Evil elves trying to take advantage of Christmas tree fairies.

Birds Following Witch.

The Beard in the Stone

"Do you have a good attorney or a bad attorney?"

A Knight Arrives at a Boiling Lake Filled with Monsters (Don Quixote).

"I always knew you'd come back."

'Oh, nothing, just babysitting the Lord of the Rings.'

"Shall I let them breathe."

A knight in shining armor, a dragon and a princess

'I think they're up to something.'

'Wait a minute! What if this isn't just a puddle?! What if it's a huge, furious hibernating snowman?'

'What can you wish for?!... Oh, I don't know... Infinite wealth, beautiful women throwing themselves at your feet, fame and admiration, perhaps?... But, don't let me influence you.'

A Witch Consults Her Magic Mirror

"And next up, Fairy Tales: FolkLORE or FolkLIES!"