Parenting Parody Appreciator Pillows

"You heard your mother. No dessert until you eat my broccoli."

"Relax. I just had a vitamin."

"Move ten paces, turn, then fire. Ready?" "Dibs on the hat."

Limerick On A Grecian Urn

"The one time in our lives when it's acceptable to run around naked, but they dress us up like L. L. Bean catalog."

The Mothership

"You're getting a nanny. We decided to outsource our parenting"

Sighting of the elusive Bigpaw

'Dad, can you teach me to swim?' 'Well, I'm not much of a swimmer, but I can teach you to tread water. I do that every day at work.'

Rosemary's Baby Supplies

"Hey. Smells funny. Fix it. And bring me a beer."

'Daddy's busy - Go draw on the wall.'

'The baby took some cellphone pictures of you napping!'

Jar Wars: 'Use the forks Luke... Use the forks!'

'Apparently the poor love's walkman is broken.'

Children Demand Parental Term Limits.

"Being from another planet is worth thirty points towards your child's admission to Harvard."

"OK, OK, Dad. I'm up... I'm up."

"Seriously, the way you rasied me it's no wonder I can't get a gig in a real night club."

"Of course Daddy could explain what a superconducting supercollider is, sweetie, but just at the moment Daddy is watching 'America's Most Wanted.'"

'If you're too hot, get back in the water: I'm not buying you ice cream!'

'It's time you knew, Son -- you were abandoned here as a child by aliens.'

'I can't talk now Kevin. I'm under house arrest.'

'We lease the children, of course!'

"Ask not for whom the baby cries; it cries for thee. Specifically, thee’s milk."

"Stickers, fairy tattoos, a coloring book ... but no, Mom, I'm not seeing any stretch-mark cream in the goody bag."

"I don't know how to say this but I've found someone else."

"Yes, but Mummy and Daddy are on legal drugs."

Ask your mother.