Parenting Hacks Explorers Gifts

'Dust-mop-baby-jumper.'

'Why don't they make thumb-flavored baby food?'

"Well, I'm thinking about boarding school. Though I'm not sure they accept adults."

'Strained carrots again! What am I being punished for this time?'

"You be the moral grandstander and I'll be the politically incorrect troll."

"Everyone says she has the clutter of someone twice her age."

It's a Boy

Mother CareBaby Gap

"Oh look—he fell asleep when you told me about your day."

"Travelling with Child Sketchbook - day 2."

'Have you cleaned behind your ears?'

"I told you not to touch it. I should've used your language and told you not to click on it."

"I wouldn’t say they’re user-friendly."

"We'd love to come, but we can't seem to find a sitter."

"Not until you've arranged your pillows."

'I never believed in spanking children - until today!'

'I took her to register in kindergarten, and they wanted a damage deposit.'

To prevent Christmas git opening from being over in a flash, the Wagner kids were required to use only their feet.

'Don't come down until your thirty five.'

Going into the relationship, Tom knew Loretta was a package deal.

The conversion.

If this is how 3-year-olds see the world, it's no wonder they're always crying."

'You must stop feeding him fish oils to make him cleverer.'

Baby with projectile vomit

"It gets easier the second time."

'She is being impossible again.'

'I don't get it! Not one of these books gives the same advice TWICE!

"Does it come with instructions?"

'If you don't like fathers in the delivery room, where will you be?'

"We're having a problem naming him. All the domain names we like are already taken!"

'Baby escape.'

'Why are you being a discipline problem at school, turd?'

'Well, Mr. 'Let's get him a fish they're no trouble at all,' you're on.'

Temptation.

"Day care worker's delight: Velcro diapers"