Parenting Comedy Enthusiasts Pillows

"I wouldn't mind being a stay-at-home dad if I didn't have stay-at-home kids."

Mum and baby both have pacifier.

Madonna of the Pukes.

"I'm sure you'll grow into it, darling."

Fat Kid 10- Eats an ice-cream

"This is nice, but I can't help but think we forgot something."

"No, I don’t find it funny that her first words are ‘South Park’!"

Baby's first thought...Daddy's a moron.

"Your children are adorable...and so shiny!" "Thanks. I them in dish detergent."

"You can't prove that I broke it! Where's your physical evidence? Fingerprints or a DNA profile?"

"He doesn't really talk yet, but he does some sound bites."

"Darling... I think the Baby's been eating the fridge magnets again."

"I have a feeling he understands more than we think."

"I need to know who started it."

"I'm all for pushing them out of the nest, but maybe next time we could wait till they hatch."

'I'm just exercising my first amendment rights.'

'It was the little darling's first time sitting up at the dining table!'

"It may not look like it to you, but trust me, he's hyperactive. It's exhausting!"

"Good news. It's a small pig."

"Instead of taking a bath can I wear a flea collar?"

"She said that girls mature faster than boys, so I pulled her hair."

Fat Kid 23- Catches a bogie

'It was romantic before we had kids. Build some stairs.'

'It's the same model... he painted the second one eight months after the first painting.'

'Oh, don't mind Jeff. It's just his turn to change the Baby's nappy.'

"My wife tells me the bee has struck again!"

"Can you read the part about Job again?"

"It's nice but I'm starting to think we should just wait for his real hair to grow in."

"Greetings, Earthling. How are the schools?"