Parenting Comedy Aficionado Pillows

"If you didn't want to wear a cape made of dryer lint to school, you shouldn't have such a crazy mom."

Mum and baby both have pacifier.

Madonna of the Pukes.

You can't just switch them. If your wife asked you to change the baby, she probably meant the diaper.

"I'm sure you'll grow into it, darling."

'We had the baby's ultrasound photo made into wallpaper.'

Fat Kid 10- Eats an ice-cream

"No, I don’t find it funny that her first words are ‘South Park’!"

"This is nice, but I can't help but think we forgot something."

Baby's first thought...Daddy's a moron.

"You can't prove that I broke it! Where's your physical evidence? Fingerprints or a DNA profile?"

Young golf ball getting "the talk".

The Poky Little Pupa.

"Your children are adorable...and so shiny!" "Thanks. I them in dish detergent."

'No. no. When your wife asked you to change the baby, she meant the diaper.'

"He doesn't really talk yet, but he does some sound bites."

"I need to know who started it."

"Darling... I think the Baby's been eating the fridge magnets again."

"I'm all for pushing them out of the nest, but maybe next time we could wait till they hatch."

"I have a feeling he understands more than we think."

'I'm just exercising my first amendment rights.'

"Your mother and I are feeling overwhelmed, so you'll have to bring yourselves up."

"It may not look like it to you, but trust me, he's hyperactive. It's exhausting!"

'It was the little darling's first time sitting up at the dining table!'

"Beds are not made for jumping on."

"Good news. It's a small pig."

"Have you seen my dad?"

'Budget cuts have forced us to drop our day-care program. I've contacted your mother to come and pick you up.'

"She said that girls mature faster than boys, so I pulled her hair."

"Instead of taking a bath can I wear a flea collar?"

"Greetings, Earthling. How are the schools?"

"It's nice but I'm starting to think we should just wait for his real hair to grow in."

"Can you read the part about Job again?"

'It was romantic before we had kids. Build some stairs.'

"My wife tells me the bee has struck again!"