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Child reading book: Understanding Your Parents' Behavior.

'Okay, but if you hadn't made me eat all those dumb vegetables, I wouldn't need to brush my teeth!'

"Can I borrow the car keys?"

'Sometimes I worry that I basically wasted my 2's.'

'Why don't they make thumb-flavored baby food?'

“She’s in her abstract expressionism phase.”

'I don't want him experiencing anything until I've totally checked it out.'

"Look Mommy, hat!"

"That's not how I sat on you."

"Congratulations, it's a lifetime of penury and countless sleepless nights!"

'He's the one who needs obedience training!'

"Well, I had 'the talk' with him.

"My kid's a holy terror... no offense."

A kangeroo and it's baby read books about understanding each other.

'Change is inevitable, espeically when you have a newborn in diapers."

"Your mother and I are feeling overwhelmed, so you'll have to bring yourselves up."

We're looking for someone who knows how to adapt, not adopt.

"I won it for being the most noncompetitive in preschool."

'I'm not spoiled - I always smell like this.'

My 5-year-old nephew cut his hair! His mom was so upset until she thought: 'Wait a minute! I just saved 12 bucks!'

Impractical Guide to Having Babies: 'Sitting Up'

Grounded

"That is one absorbent nappy."

'Do you have any books on controlling little monsters?'

"Ah...here they are!"

"Mom, can you come get me?"

"Another reckless baby driver! I'd arrest the whole lot of them if they weren't so damn cute."

'Your parents are way too overprotective.'

'If Mom says no, you ask Dad -- it's called the 'checks and balances' system.'

"Instead of taking a bath couldn't I just run through a carwash?"

'This is Tyler; he's mommy's precious little feral-angel.'

"If you find authority intolerable, remember, you're in good company."

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