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Child reading book: Understanding Your Parents' Behavior.

'Okay, but if you hadn't made me eat all those dumb vegetables, I wouldn't need to brush my teeth!'

"Can I borrow the car keys?"

'Why don't they make thumb-flavored baby food?'

'Sometimes I worry that I basically wasted my 2's.'

“She’s in her abstract expressionism phase.”

'I don't want him experiencing anything until I've totally checked it out.'

"Look Mommy, hat!"

"That's not how I sat on you."

"Congratulations, it's a lifetime of penury and countless sleepless nights!"

"Well, I had 'the talk' with him.

'He's the one who needs obedience training!'

"My kid's a holy terror... no offense."

A kangeroo and it's baby read books about understanding each other.

"Now that I can talk, here's my speaking fee."

Well, we thought we had childproofed the house

'Change is inevitable, espeically when you have a newborn in diapers."

"Your mother and I are feeling overwhelmed, so you'll have to bring yourselves up."

We're looking for someone who knows how to adapt, not adopt.

Impractical Guide to Having Babies: 'Sitting Up'

"That is one absorbent nappy."

"I won it for being the most noncompetitive in preschool."

My 5-year-old nephew cut his hair! His mom was so upset until she thought: 'Wait a minute! I just saved 12 bucks!'

Grounded

'I'm not spoiled - I always smell like this.'

"How many times have I told you kids to hang your coats in the closet?"

'Why did the chicken cross the road?'

"Ah...here they are!"

'Do you have any books on controlling little monsters?'

"Mom, can you come get me?"

"Another reckless baby driver! I'd arrest the whole lot of them if they weren't so damn cute."

"Instead of taking a bath couldn't I just run through a carwash?"

'Your parents are way too overprotective.'

'If Mom says no, you ask Dad -- it's called the 'checks and balances' system.'

"Some day you'll look back at this and remember me as the person who taught you to fear water."