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Parenting manual.

The Dog Whisperer's father - Old Yeller.

"Your mother and I are feeling overwhelmed, so you'll have to bring yourselves up."

'But, Mom, being good just doesn't work for me.'

"You spoil that child!"

'I managed to raise six children and fourteen house plants. How is that for management experience?'

"How do I keep my kids in line? I threaten to rent out the space under their beds to monsters."

'The best way to teach my son is by example, you know: Monkey see, monkey do...'

"How many times have I told you kids to hang your coats in the closet?"

'Sometimes I worry that I basically wasted my 2's.'

'Try cutting down on his cling peaches.'

'Your parents are way too overprotective.'

'Why don't they make thumb-flavored baby food?'

Nanny with children on leash

'Sleep tight, don't let the bedbugs bite.'

'I don't want him experiencing anything until I've totally checked it out.'

"He's been fine - I haven't had to do a thing."

"That's not how I sat on you."

"If we synchronize our tantrums, they'll have to stop talking. You in?"

"My kid's a holy terror... no offense."

'Do you have any books on controlling little monsters?'

"Tell the truth, Ezra. Does it look like he's being a more effective parent than me?"

Method, Discipline, Professionalism, Feral children.

'It's not that I don't want to spank you. It's just that I know you'll blog about it if I do.'

"Technology is for babies!"

"I told my mom either the sitter goes, or I go!"

"All this time I've been trying to get her to walk, and all it took was a phone."

"It's funny...back when I first signed up to 'Adopt an Endangered Manatee', I thought they just wanted me to send money. Instead, little Julia came along and changed my life forever."

This smart phone comes with excuses for not keeping in touch with your mother.

Family Budgets

My 5-year-old nephew cut his hair! His mom was so upset until she thought: 'Wait a minute! I just saved 12 bucks!'

"What changed? I once said a bad word when I was real little, and everyone laughed!"

Parenting Business Deals

"Can you imagine the start they give their own offspring?"

"Leapfrog is the latest craze among the kids, but experts say it contribute to declining birthrates. Find out why � after the break!"