Parenthood Pundits Pillows

'We've created a teenager!'

You can't just switch them. If your wife asked you to change the baby, she probably meant the diaper.

'He has your nose and my ears.'

Low-Energy Drinks

"Trust me, you're not ready!"

"Pay more attention to me? I'm sorry, dear, but Mommy needs you to be more specific."

'Can I invite my friends round to watch, Mom?'

"Can I have another sausage Dad?"

"Remember now, anything is DIY-abe if you just do it yourself."

"Aah! Bless! Look at him on his I-pad!"

"Maybe we should have just had a baby..."

'Bad luck duck - he's on your side of the bed.'

'You'll never believe the day I've had...'

"It's a boy, but that's a common one so don't get too excited."

'Congratulations! It's a bouncing baby boy!'

'We found you in a cabbage!'

Growth Charts

"Were we expecting a baby?"

Baby Screen Time

"Sorry, that was just the wet diaper talking."

'This is a fine time to leave! What if the doctor delivers the baby while you're out!'

"We have the exact same taste."

"I made the mistake of telling him that the world is his canvas."

'And when your mother said that you would never be an Olympic gymnast, how did that make you feel?'

'What did I learn in school today? You'd better sit down.'

'It's only 6 AM, but I want to send the kids to Wally's house before his mother sends him over here.'

"He won't eat anything but corn."

Toys in the DVD Player.

"Skip the funny voices tonight—O.K., Dad?"

Young Gums

A postwoman delivers mail together with her baby who is riding in the letter carrier.

'There's a planet in my book with two moons! Imagine how much howling we could do there!'

"I noticed that since I've been working at home you've been paying me hazard pay. How did you know?"

"And remember, it's important to wake them up at hourly intervals."

'We're the parents. What we say goes. . . In one ear and out the other.'