Parenthood Chaos Explorer Pillows

'If I had my time over again, I'd be too young to go out with boys.'

What did I tell you about covering your bottom when you sneeze?

'Hi hon! How's the little monster?'

'Congratulations! You've just downloaded a baby boy.'

"It's so nice to finally put a face to the name."

"Now that I can talk, here's my speaking fee."

"So last Christmas it was those Cabbage Patch Kids."

"Sorry, that was just the wet diaper talking."

"Were we expecting a baby?"

"Everyone says she has the clutter of someone twice her age."

'And when your mother said that you would never be an Olympic gymnast, how did that make you feel?'

The Impractical Guide to having a baby.

'Hey Mum, look what I caught!'

'How do you know I won't shrink if I didn't come with a washing instructions tag?'

"Funny, I don't remember signing up for this."

"My inner child feels threatened by my inner baby."

'And you're sure you handed the baby to me?'

'Mom says she has a souffl

'How many fingers do you see?'

'You know that bottle of ink that was standing on the desk...?'

'It may not be your feng shui, but it's my feng shui.'

'You're due in September, however, since you're not mentally ready, let's make it October!'

"Not until you've arranged your pillows."

"It's not often you see a sign that is both instructional and inspirational."

Desperate Househusbands: 'Help! My wife left me with the kids for two minutes while she ran to the store. Help!'

"I needed a gig to tide me over between baby booms."

Woman Window Shops For A Baby Book

"We're looking forward to this little bundle of joy bringing out the worst in each of us."

"Weeds are like kids. They grow up so fast."

"Really? After all these years of you begging me to let you come and howl at the moon, now that you're a teenager, it's not cool to be seen with your dad!"

'Male, 38, still living with his parents. They asked us to keep him overnight, so they could change the locks.'

'We've never had an accident - aside from three of our five kids.'

'Our computer responds to voice commands, but our kids don't.'

"You're six years old and I'm your mother! - I'm SUPPOSED to impose my moral standards on you!"

'It's not that I don't want more kids Victoria, I'm worried I won't have enough skin for their names.'