Parenting Chaos Navigator Pillows

'You know that bottle of ink that was standing on the desk...?'

"Better bring me another cookie. The last one fell in the water."

The inhabitants of the jungle get tied up in rush hour traffic.

"You be the moral grandstander and I'll be the politically incorrect troll."

'Can I call you back, Frank? A giant maggot is eating my desk, people are shooting at me and my hair is on fire.'

Woman with kids at husbands office.

Stubborn Horse

"Trust me, this is as weird for me as it is for you."

"I made the mistake of telling him that the world is his canvas."

"Everyone says she has the clutter of someone twice her age."

'Do you have any books on controlling little monsters?'

"Mom, can you come get me?"

Signs of Stress

'How do you know I won't shrink if I didn't come with a washing instructions tag?'

Two children play with a pedal bin

'I almost get out the door and then my mom yells...'Don't you know it's February?!' And here I am again...looking like an eskimo.'

'It may not be your feng shui, but it's my feng shui.'

"Not until you've arranged your pillows."

Desperate Househusbands: 'Help! My wife left me with the kids for two minutes while she ran to the store. Help!'

A dream of consequence

'Well, there goes the last of my New Years resolutions...'

'I wish I came in a child-proof container.'

"Boy, has it been hacked!"

"Have you heard of Murphy's Law 2.0? It's anything that could possibly go wrong often does...as well as a thing or two that couldn't possibly go wrong."

'I wish I came in a child-proof container.'

You can't focus on the cost of raising a child. True. They do have benefits. Mom! The glue spilled into your underwear drawer! Dad! Where's the toilet plunger? Though nothing specific leaps to mind.

"Sergio, I think you've done a great job raising the children."

'Your mother and I want you to know that you wouldn't be hurting our feelings if you decided not to go to University.'

Careful

'If anyone's still interested, the definition of entropy is ^,'

Tax Department - Whammy/double whammy

"It's funny how that works. It doesn't matter where I am in the house... I can always tell when the novel isn't going well."

Department to Control Government Growth - 'We need more room.'

Baby with a full diaper 'Load Rage'

Reason #149 for making sure the whole family wears seat belts: It helps keep the kids quiet.