Parenthood Athlete Pillows

'I'm exempt from the company fitness program. I have triplets at home.'

You can't just switch them. If your wife asked you to change the baby, she probably meant the diaper.

'He has your nose and my ears.'

'Hi hon! How's the little monster?'

Low-Energy Drinks

Baby pram as a tank

"Trust me, you're not ready!"

"Pay more attention to me? I'm sorry, dear, but Mommy needs you to be more specific."

'Congratulations! You've just downloaded a baby boy.'

"Can I have another sausage Dad?"

"Aah! Bless! Look at him on his I-pad!"

"Maybe we should have just had a baby..."

"Remember now, anything is DIY-abe if you just do it yourself."

"Now that I can talk, here's my speaking fee."

'Bad luck duck - he's on your side of the bed.'

'You'll never believe the day I've had...'

"It's a boy, but that's a common one so don't get too excited."

Growth Charts

'We found you in a cabbage!'

Baby Screen Time

'This is a fine time to leave! What if the doctor delivers the baby while you're out!'

"We have the exact same taste."

"I made the mistake of telling him that the world is his canvas."

'What did I learn in school today? You'd better sit down.'

"I noticed that since I've been working at home you've been paying me hazard pay. How did you know?"

Acclaimed mother.

'There's a planet in my book with two moons! Imagine how much howling we could do there!'

Young Gums

The Impractical Guide to having a baby.

A postwoman delivers mail together with her baby who is riding in the letter carrier.

"Skip the funny voices tonight—O.K., Dad?"

"He won't eat anything but corn."

'It's only 6 AM, but I want to send the kids to Wally's house before his mother sends him over here.'

"And remember, it's important to wake them up at hourly intervals."

'We're the parents. What we say goes. . . In one ear and out the other.'