Parenthood Racer Pillows

Mothers crossing the road with prams.

What did I tell you about covering your bottom when you sneeze?

'Hi hon! How's the little monster?'

Baby pram as a tank

'Congratulations! You've just downloaded a baby boy.'

"It's so nice to finally put a face to the name."

"Now that I can talk, here's my speaking fee."

"So last Christmas it was those Cabbage Patch Kids."

"Sorry, that was just the wet diaper talking."

"Were we expecting a baby?"

'Congratulations! It's a bouncing baby boy!'

'And when your mother said that you would never be an Olympic gymnast, how did that make you feel?'

The Impractical Guide to having a baby.

A pregnant woman wears a shirt that says "Baby"with an arrow pointing down, while a mother holds a baby that is an arrow pointing up.

'Hey Mum, look what I caught!'

'Trust me, the term 'blissfully pregnant' is an oxymoron.'

'And you're sure you handed the baby to me?'

"Funny, I don't remember signing up for this."

'Mom says she has a souffl

Baby Race.

"My inner child feels threatened by my inner baby."

'How many fingers do you see?'

'You're due in September, however, since you're not mentally ready, let's make it October!'

"I needed a gig to tide me over between baby booms."

"We're looking forward to this little bundle of joy bringing out the worst in each of us."

"Weeds are like kids. They grow up so fast."

Woman Window Shops For A Baby Book

"The main skill you need in parenting, is the ability to surreptitiously eat chocolate."

"Really? After all these years of you begging me to let you come and howl at the moon, now that you're a teenager, it's not cool to be seen with your dad!"

'Male, 38, still living with his parents. They asked us to keep him overnight, so they could change the locks.'

'We've never had an accident - aside from three of our five kids.'

IVF assessment centre.

"You're six years old and I'm your mother! - I'm SUPPOSED to impose my moral standards on you!"

Maternity Ward: No Returns/No Exchanges

'Our computer responds to voice commands, but our kids don't.'