Parental Role Innovator T-Shirts

Breasts for the men

L'il Buckaroo on Board.

'Rock.' - 'Paper.' - 'Boris.'

Children in fancy dress on the way to music lessons

"Oh look—he fell asleep when you told me about your day."

'Sharon's into genetic engineering!'

"How is it gendered?"

'The stuka brought you.'

"Damn it, are we flying a spoonful of peas again?"

'You know, termite queens have over 100 million offspring. I mean, just saying...'

Baby, baby maker

"You're just gaming down there? Shouldn't you be issuing your first IPO for some billion dollar internet enterprise you've created?"

Why all mothers deserve a special day.

"Tea parties are passé. I'm opening a craft brewery."

'You can go home today, but we'd like to run a few more tests on your husband.'

"Ok, Griffin — let him see Mom’s roast!"

"I'm a home-tech specialist. Your daughter called us. I'm here to convert her doll house into a smart doll house."

'It just says strange things happened after she ate the wafers. It doesn't mention their street value.'

'I'm not so sure I'm a problem child. Maybe you're a problem parent.'

'From what you describe, it looks like it's my dad who has the Maternal Instinct...'

"Look Daddy, at least the poor economy hasn't affected the Tooth Fairy yet!"

"Hi, it's me. My mum's confiscated my mobile." (Kid talks to friend using margarine tub and string).

"I couldn't find the off switch."

"Mom, there's a monster under my bed. Can we keep it?"

Designer Baby.

'Creative right?'

'You read him Jack and the Beanstalk again, didn't you?'

"We're still figuring out how to monetise him."

"Which one's mine?!"

Heimlich's Mother's Maneuvers

Bearded man with baby sheltered under his beard.

"I know I'm too young to drive. How about getting me a driverless car?"

'Let's play house. You be the stay-at-home dad, and I'll be the career mom.'

'I was well-informed, well-adjusted, a useful member of society - then I married.'

'I gave them shared parental leave and they left me holding the baby!'