Parental Pride Ponderer Gifts

My Son Is An Honor Inmate at Rikers Island.

"It's amazing, Darlin', just how fast the kids grow up!"

"Her first word was 'paparazzi'. "

Grad School Parent-Teacher Conference

"Frankly, now that he's an obnoxious teenager, I find it more and more difficult to muster the urge to protect him..."

Cry babies.

"They must be grown-up ducks, because they're eating the crusts too."

'I'm Jeremy's father. I'm a computer consultant and I'm unemployed.'

Impressing dad.

"Those are the names of your children? I went a different route...I memorized my kids' names."

'You must be very proud Daphne.'

"Mother, I think I'm good enough to exhibit on the living room walls now."

Children's artwork exhibition.

"Your children are adorable...and so shiny!" "Thanks. I them in dish detergent."

'Sure, a drawing on Facebook has coverage, but nothing wows the family like a spread on the fridge.'

'I'm afraid he's at that age when he's into everything!'

'Oh Darling, you must be so proud: Your first wart!'

'Well, he's definitely got your nose...'

"Isn't he the spitting image of his Dad?"

'She posted her first blog today.'

'Wow! Your kid looks a lot like you!'

"I won it for being the most noncompetitive in preschool."

'Is THIS the way you plan to spend your peak learning years?'

'It could have been worse...she might have chosen banking.'

'Dear, Junior ate his first house today!'

"Vanessa has done a not bad de Kooning."

"We're so proud. Only 5 months old and already knows how to scroll and swipe."

'When do they learn to stand upright?'

"Oh, she talk a lot...but only about her children."

"We're going to the park to size up the competition."

This is Twig's scene. Get ready! That's her! Where? There! Too late. Nice shot of Jessie Caldwell. Wasn't she fabulous.

'It is a big day! Ten years ago, yout dad joined the union!'

"Little Lucas doesn't go anywhere without his weighted blanket."

'Every child is an artist but it appears your Candice is a plumber.'

"Some day you'll look back at this and remember me as the person who taught you to fear water."