Parental Pride Ponderer Pillows

My Son Is An Honor Inmate at Rikers Island.

"It's amazing, Darlin', just how fast the kids grow up!"

"Her first word was 'paparazzi'. "

Grad School Parent-Teacher Conference

"Frankly, now that he's an obnoxious teenager, I find it more and more difficult to muster the urge to protect him..."

Cry babies.

"They must be grown-up ducks, because they're eating the crusts too."

'I'm Jeremy's father. I'm a computer consultant and I'm unemployed.'

Impressing dad.

"Those are the names of your children? I went a different route...I memorized my kids' names."

'You must be very proud Daphne.'

Children's artwork exhibition.

"Mother, I think I'm good enough to exhibit on the living room walls now."

"Your children are adorable...and so shiny!" "Thanks. I them in dish detergent."

'Sure, a drawing on Facebook has coverage, but nothing wows the family like a spread on the fridge.'

"Isn't he the spitting image of his Dad?"

'Well, he's definitely got your nose...'

'I'm afraid he's at that age when he's into everything!'

'Oh Darling, you must be so proud: Your first wart!'

'Wow! Your kid looks a lot like you!'

'She posted her first blog today.'

"I won it for being the most noncompetitive in preschool."

'Is THIS the way you plan to spend your peak learning years?'

'It could have been worse...she might have chosen banking.'

'Dear, Junior ate his first house today!'

'When do they learn to stand upright?'

"We're so proud. Only 5 months old and already knows how to scroll and swipe."

"Oh, she talk a lot...but only about her children."

"Some day you'll look back at this and remember me as the person who taught you to fear water."

"Little Lucas doesn't go anywhere without his weighted blanket."

'Every child is an artist but it appears your Candice is a plumber.'

"We're going to the park to size up the competition."

'It is a big day! Ten years ago, yout dad joined the union!'

"Now, is this the kind of painting your Mommy would be proud to post on her Instagram?"