Parental Patience Cultivator Pillows

"Don't worry, it gets easier when they're 35."

"My kid's a holy terror... no offense."

"No, I don't look in the mirror. I look in the soap."

All we have in life is this moment...

'Excuse me mom, I've got to take a call.'

"I just called to say I love you, but come to think of it - can I borrow some money?"

'Why are you so obnoxious?' 'Heredity!'

Heaven's Ingredients: 100% Natural Love, 100% compassion and 100% forgiveness.

"What did you learn in school today that I'd object to?"

"I'm too old for baby limas."

'Disappointed? You ask if I'm disappointed? Well, Arthur, after 38 years of patiently peeling away one onion layer after another, I'll admit I HAD hoped there was something more that a tough, green sprout-thingie at your core!'

"We're usually pretty good at spotting job burn-out before it gets bad, but every now and then, someone slips under our radar!"

Priest watering his wings.

'Two thousand seedlings - and I can't bring myself to throw any of them out.'

"I've had it with the nineties!"

Driver being taught by impatient parent

'Do you mind if my son watches you cook? I'm trying to bring him up to be a vegetarian.'

'You couldn't just lock him up somewhere, could you?'

"As a child, Timothy would often test his mother’s patience."

"Nature, nurture or a bit of both?"

'I asked them to behave like adults, and they ranted, they raved, and they cussed a blue streak!'

Naughty boy

"It's just a phase."

"Wilcox is showing signs of compassion fatigue."

"Why can't I play with her now?!"

"I didn't want to peak too early."

'Can you say 'try the patience of a saint' in a note from a public school?'

Low battery. 10% of battery remaining

"I told him stamp collecting is a dangerous hobby. His jaw got locked in a yawn."

'I have some pet peeves we need to discuss.'

'I'll write this off as part of a phase you're going through, on this occasion...'

Make it look easy, while underneath you're paddling like hell.

A man ignores a cacophony and eats a sandwich.

'What Burl just said was to sit down 'cause he's not ready to take you to the store yet, Ma!!'