Parental Guidance Fans Pillows

'If you are not careful, son, you will be mathematically eliminated from all of the Ivy League schools.'

"Okay...seriously...it's nothing to worry about, Dad."

"...and I, Pastor Smith...preaching to you now from this pulpit, speak to you from experience about the 'strong-willed' child...BELIEVE me!"

"Why do leaves change color?"

"Be afraid to try new things!"

Baby in Trunk.

"Here are all of my dependents."

'Timmy's very bright for his age. He knows nearly all his ABC's!'

BABY (arrow pointing to belly) BEER (arrow pointing to belly).

'Oh, don't even think about living life vicariously through me!'

'My mother made me apply.'

Before birds and bees,

'As near as I can figure something bad happened and they're both in on it.'

"Ten more minutes of media manipulation, then it's off to bed."

"I just washed and waxed it. I don't want the birds messing it up!"

"My mom said I can't come here anymore." "What? Why not, Billy?" "She said she sends me here to get hot chocolate, not to get bad relationship advice." "What 'bad' advice? All my advice is solid gold." "You told me to call the IRS with an anonymous tip about Andrea Wheaton's father avoiding taxes, so next time he tells her I'm a bad influence he'll look like a hypocrite." "That didn't work?"

'Well, my Dad doesn't care how big you are, Mr. Jones. He'll still knock your block off!'

Confidence.

"Oi you two! What going on in here?"

'Why can't you try to be more like me?'

"Their names are Sportster and Softail. My husband named them."

"We think it's important to meet the parents of our daughter's bad influences."

"My Mother was right. She told me when I was eighteen, that if I married him it wouldnt last!"

'Yeah, I use ATMs all the time, but I refer to them as 'Mom' and 'Dad'.'

'You'll find the facts of life son, on Sesame Street adn the Late World News.'

Kids watching television, "I've just seen a nipple it must be nine o' clock!"

'hey, hey, hey! Not in the house! Go outside if you're going to throw your little brother around!'

"Never trust anyone who claims to know what's going on."

'I've tried raising my son with patience, honesty and manners, but he still grew up like his dad.'

STRIP Blindfolded circus act is blind

"-and he says his best friend wants to meet you!"

C in astrophysics, B- in calculus... what kind of genius are you?

Parental Advisory Stickers

Proud Parent of a SUPERNATURAL STUDENT at Westford High School

'You're not living up to your potential!'