Youth Guidance Fan Pillows

"My mom said I can't come here anymore." "What? Why not, Billy?" "She said she sends me here to get hot chocolate, not to get bad relationship advice." "What 'bad' advice? All my advice is solid gold." "You told me to call the IRS with an anonymous tip about Andrea Wheaton's father avoiding taxes, so next time he tells her I'm a bad influence he'll look like a hypocrite." "That didn't work?"

"There will be a winning team and a losing team. Are you OK with that?"

'In this world, son, you've got to learn to push yourself.'

'I started as an office boy and growled my way to the top.'

Skateboard Sidewalk Surfer

'If you are not careful, son, you will be mathematically eliminated from all of the Ivy League schools.'

God sends a text message: 'OMME!'

"Well, I've taught you everything I know."

The Grim Rapper

'I handed over my company to my son and he's doing better than I ever did. Unfortunately he's starting school next year...'

God and His Copilot.

'Don't you be dissing the Ho' now!'

'My goldfish died. I over-watered him.'

'I'm his MOTHER. I KNOW he was safe!'

ASBOs

Jump! Jump! How high? He just doesn't get it, does he?

"Whose great idea was the four four two formation."

"I feel we've had a good session today."

"No Wilson, I don't want to hear your daily mantra."

What's this about? The recession is devastating chain stores. Save our mall. They're the lifeblood of teen culture as we know it. What are your solutions? We're having a massive shop-in this Saturday! Shop 'til you drop. Big $$. Like a day of service? Exactly! But you'll feel even better about yourself.

This scrimmage, I'll assess your individual talents. Coach. I'll be checking out each of you! Though that would have been easier

"Okay...seriously...it's nothing to worry about, Dad."

"And it shall come to pass, Great Caesar, you shall have a salad named after you"

"Look at his cilia! He's such a hippy!"

Astral Projection Society: In Body....Out of Body.

"I just washed and waxed it. I don't want the birds messing it up!"

Future Old People.

OMG

OHMIGOD!

"Myrna was like 'Tweet'. Then Barry goes, 'Tweet', and before you know it we're all doing it!"

'Yo' elbizzle iz kazizzled.'

Now the end is near...and so I face the final curtain.

"You can grow old gracefully. I'm fighting it every inch of the way!"

"A hipster beard AND a top-knot! - no wonder you've been sent here...!"

"As you know I will be leaving soon, so I would like you to follow in my footsteps..."