Parental Expectations Pillows

'You could give it to your mom with a huge Valentine card.'

The Baby Walker

"I thought there would be bacon here."

'Oh, nothing's wrong -- I just expected Earthlings to be taller, that's all.'

"Soon you'll be sucking your thumb AND tying your shoes...they call it multitasking."

"Because, dang it, even cowgirls deserve a little 'me' time."

'Wendy! I'm glad you came over! I want you to see my baby's ultrasound hologram!'

"Is the Itsy Bitsy Spider obsessive-compulsive?"

"Do you ever get the feeling that maybe the baby is listening to us?"

'Who says women don't like chase scenes?'

"It's childhood. Your child has childhood."

Junior Doctor.

'Sure, have some wool to keep your eggs nice and warm...'

'Dad, did the stork bring me or did you get me in fantasy draft?'

A mother hen pushing her baby eggs in a egg carton pram.

'... And, don't worry about his future. I'm sure my Son will give him a job, when they grow up.'

Maternity ward on the farm.

Where did Mommy go? Turtle Peekaboo.

"But you must continue as a lab rat! Can't you see we have three mouths to feed?"

THE OWL AND THE PUSSYCAT 'Boy, I'll bet their parents were honked off!'

'Well, what did you expect?'

"My mom says I can start a rock band if I call it 'I Love My Mommy.' You in?"

'I wish you hadn't shown Daddy the lovely Mother's day present you bought me. I haven't told him I'm pregnant yet!'

'I'm sorry Mrs Jones, but according to these results your womb is extremely inhospitable, and your husband's sperm is gay.'

'Please excuse my mother, this is my first interview.'

"And now we just relax, settle down, and smother them until they crack."

'Standard release form - in case anything goes wrong during the delivery.'

"You see it as half full, I see his diaper as half empty."

"Day, will you take me potty?"

'Doug and I have agreed to stay together until the children and his hedge fund are grown.'

'The ultrasound went well: Now, we just need to agree on 1263 baby names...'

'I'm banking on celebrating Father's Day this year!'

"We need to hurry to your next extracurricular activity before the void of my unfulfilled ambitions catches up."

"We're going to be late for the awkwardly standing around."

IVF