Parental Controls Navigator Pillows

"Oh, Mrs. Horris, he just said his first words..!"

Impracticle Guide to Having Babies

Your Message on Your T-Shirt: 'Do As You Are Told!'

'Just in case there is an accident.'

'You know that bottle of ink that was standing on the desk...?'

'I almost get out the door and then my mom yells...'Don't you know it's February?!' And here I am again...looking like an eskimo.'

'sugar and spice my eye.'

"'Parent' should always be an action verb."

"Me? I thought you were raising them."

"Look, there's even more buttons and stuff up there."

"This baby will hold more than a hundred and twenty-five cubic feet of family rancor."

"Will you turn that TV down? Can't you see I'm on the phone?"

"I have the kids Friday, Saturday, and Sunday. She has them Monday, Tuesday, and Wednesday. Thursday they're free-range.

"No, we're not there yet because your father refuses to ask for directions!"

"It took some figuring, but I think I figured out how to handle a temperamental teenager."

The Queen of Static Electricity: 'Boring Rainy Day Sitting Area.'

'Would you like me to have a word with educational psychologist about Julie?'

"He fights me when I tell him to take a nap. When I reword it and say go reboot, he doesn't have a problem."

Triplets

"And the lovely, little daughter understood her daddy was tired from harvesting people's personal data all day and went to sleep. The end."

"Why do they tell us not to be childish? We're only nine!"

'I don't think he'll be having a party next year - I heard his mother scream 'Never again'.'

"Her phone has parental controls, but I have to ask her how to use them."

"Can you hold that thought until I consult my new 'Excuses For Mom' app?"

'Get real, Larry!'

"I handled his last adventure. You take this one."

"He's at that awkward age when they can try him as an adult."

"Mom wasn't impressed with my suggestion that we 'agree to disagree'."

"At least now when mom and dad fight it's quieter."

'If at first you don't succeed, don't plan on moving back home.'

"Mommy want you to have everything she had when she was growing up."

"Awww....someone's done a pooping in their pants. How cute?"

"Turn off the TV and go to bed - I'm your mother, and I approved this message."

"You're not going out dressed like that!"