Parental Controls Navigator Pillows

"My mom will only let me play Angry Birds if they're passive aggressive."

"Oh, Mrs. Horris, he just said his first words..!"

Impracticle Guide to Having Babies

Your Message on Your T-Shirt: 'Do As You Are Told!'

'Just in case there is an accident.'

'You know that bottle of ink that was standing on the desk...?'

'I almost get out the door and then my mom yells...'Don't you know it's February?!' And here I am again...looking like an eskimo.'

'sugar and spice my eye.'

"'Parent' should always be an action verb."

"Me? I thought you were raising them."

"Look, there's even more buttons and stuff up there."

"This baby will hold more than a hundred and twenty-five cubic feet of family rancor."

Mother's Day: 2nd Sunday in May, Others Day: Every day before and after the 2nd Sunday in May.

"Will you turn that TV down? Can't you see I'm on the phone?"

"I have the kids Friday, Saturday, and Sunday. She has them Monday, Tuesday, and Wednesday. Thursday they're free-range.

"No, we're not there yet because your father refuses to ask for directions!"

The Queen of Static Electricity: 'Boring Rainy Day Sitting Area.'

'Would you like me to have a word with educational psychologist about Julie?'

"It took some figuring, but I think I figured out how to handle a temperamental teenager."

"And the lovely, little daughter understood her daddy was tired from harvesting people's personal data all day and went to sleep. The end."

"He fights me when I tell him to take a nap. When I reword it and say go reboot, he doesn't have a problem."

'I don't think he'll be having a party next year - I heard his mother scream 'Never again'.'

Triplets

"Why do they tell us not to be childish? We're only nine!"

"Her phone has parental controls, but I have to ask her how to use them."

"I handled his last adventure. You take this one."

"Can you hold that thought until I consult my new 'Excuses For Mom' app?"

"Turn off the TV and go to bed - I'm your mother, and I approved this message."

"He's at that awkward age when they can try him as an adult."

'Get real, Larry!'

"Mommy want you to have everything she had when she was growing up."

"If you're sending me home here are my mom's phone numbers plus blogs, instagram, twitter and snapchat accounts."

"Dad's working out car charging points if we want to visit grandad."

"You're not going out dressed like that!"

"Mom wasn't impressed with my suggestion that we 'agree to disagree'."