Parental Control Gifts

'Ask your mother.'

City Zoo: Day Care

"I see that he is growing as fast as your law firm."

"I spilled a red dot of paint, so I painted the whole room so you wouldn't notice it."

"They grow up so fast."

"Someone once told me that kids grow up so quickly. I hope there's some truth to that."

The Baby Walker

A baby duck in a tiny car seat on the mother duck's back.

'You call it a bra. I call it excess packaging.'

'‘Because I said so' or ‘Just wait until you have kids of your own' section?'

Gifts for a cloned baby!

'Still having a hard time finding day care?'

"Guys, can you use your Mommy-doesn't-want-to-know-I-exist voices?"

A mother and baby elephant

"It's a new work-out video. It shows a mother chasing after three little children all day."

'That reminds me, the seat broke on mine. I must make time to get it repaired.'

"One of the advantages of working from home is the free tech support."

"They followed me home from school - can I keep 'em?"

'Well, he's definitely got your nose...'

'As you can see, it's too late for a termination...Baby is capable of surviving outside the womb...'

Now Simon would have nightmares about his mother's failing eyesight.

'Everything I say to you goes in one ear and out the other.'

My 5-year-old nephew cut his hair! His mom was so upset until she thought: 'Wait a minute! I just saved 12 bucks!'

"No more diapers. Simply lift the lid and go here."

Believe it or not: Once upon a time Dads couldn't even boil water.

"Oh, Frank, look! He's sending his first tweet!"

Something tells me it's not going to be a good school report!

Changing the baby.

'Motherhood is great, but I get a really sore back...'

"Maybe the unseen hand of the market will change the diaper."

"Helmet, check. Harness, check. Knee and elbow pads, check. You may now push the swing."

Mother pours bubble bath into child's plastic pool

Why moms make bad refs.

'It's 10:00. Do you know where your kids are?'