Parental Appreciators Gifts

"At least you're not afraid to fail."

"I'd like to thank my parents and my creditors for making this possible."

"I adore kids, but I also adore Netflix."

"You're fatigued, run down, anxious, with high blood pressure, back ache, and a general malaise. You've got kids."

Judge, jury and executioner.

"Someday when you have a kid of your own and you feel the urge to arbitrarily say no just because you can, you'll understand."

'Dad, can you teach me to swim?' 'Well, I'm not much of a swimmer, but I can teach you to tread water. I do that every day at work.'

"And this is Joshua, he'll be a hundred and forty-seven months next week."

"...My daughter, the model..."

'I can't talk now Kevin. I'm under house arrest.'

"Stickers, fairy tattoos, a coloring book ... but no, Mom, I'm not seeing any stretch-mark cream in the goody bag."

'Hey Mum, look what I caught!'

"This is humiliating. Couldn't you drop me a block from school?"

"Very impressive. Leave it with me. Mommy will get back to you by the week."

My mom won't let me walk to school. I might get mugged. She won't let me play sports. I might get injured. West Fester High School. And she won't let me get onto the scales. Why not? It might hurt my self-esteem.

When we're first born, they clean up our drooling. When we can't swim, they help with our pooling. When halloween comes, they take us ghouling. When homework gets tough, they aid with our schooling. When it gets hot, they make sure we're cooling. Moms are the best! We thank you, no fooling!

'It seems like only yesterday that Sharon was knee high!'

"He made me promise I'd never mistreat you. Then he made me sit and listen to three house of dad rock."

'Get a job!? Dude, your daughter and I are working fulltime trying to get you a grandchild!'

"I'm not surprised that it's a bad school report. Statistics indicate that children get their intelligence from their fathers!"

'Ms. Evertz, has my mother been snooping around my office again?'

"Just dropped by to do my groceries."

'It's a little read book... the sayings of charwoman mum.'

'I don't think your dad likes me, Angie.'

"Go ahead. Ask Grandpa to tell you the story about why we don't play with matches."

I need to take the day off. Family tragedy. What happened? An errant parachutist crash-landed. My grandmother knocked down. Then attacked by clowns. No one ever buys sick day anymore.

Friends began to feel that Gina was only dating Howard as a father figure.

Parental Valentines Day Cards

'Come on Timmy, you must eat your greens.'

"You don't need those glasses. Life is already in 3-D."

'Quick! Kids! There's a positive male role model on the television...'

Are you ready for the greatest treat in the world? Please don't do this. You are about to see the cutest baby. He's adorable. Excellent. I love babies. Aaaah! Didn't I tell you? Don't speak. Looks like a 90-year-old member of the British Parliament. Speechless, I know. Want another peek? No, please! No, it's too incredible for me. Beauty is in the eye of the mother.

Teenagers lie 14 times a day on average. Mom? I'm going to study at Emily's. Fantasy football, dad! But at what times?

'I wanna be a milkman like my dad when I grow up!'

World's Greatest Mom...I approve of this message.