Parent Volunteer Pillows

'I nominated you for class mother elections and you won.'

'4 Jello desserts - and, for the love of God, please make them all the same color.' (at restaurant with three kids)

'I should warn you about my father. He's a landscape gardener.'

"Don't listen to her! She's a cuckoo: what would she know about parenting?!"

"Cheers mate, you've done me a solid."

"We're going to have to think outside the box to boost sales, minion."

"We can't actually pay you, but your work will get a lot of exposure."

'I wasn't playing hooky -- I was fleeing the deteriorating public school system.'

'Today we will lock the monkey in a room...' 'Why do I volunteer for this?'

'You can't start them exercising too early.'

Please Give

"It's all significantly less impressive once you realize these guys had free child care."

Bake Sale! To benefit our town animal shelter

'Here's another email from a parent, written in lower case with no punctuation and seventeen spelling errors, demanding we do a better job of teaching social skills.'

'We're a voluntary organisation John, they're not meant to pay for it.'

"I volunteer for the Samaritans. I tried to phone in sick this morning but they talked me out of it."

'It's your husband. The baby won't burp for him.'

'Let me introduce my biggest supporter, a real whale of a guy, a huge fan..'

'They're all hoping Kate Middleton will help them to cross the road.'

Professional Fund Riasers

'Dad, have you ever thought about retiring and going in for volunteer work?'

Charity mugger

"Give my kid a passing grade and you could be looking at many more nice apples."

"Seems another philanthropist has beaten us here."

"What is the battle cry for homeschoolers?" Kids: "Go Home!"

"Oh, hello darling..."

Cheese Call Center

'Er...any chance that when you've finished with the kids, the cooking and washing up you could help us develop a new waste management recovery system for the borough?'

"You need some quality time with the kids. I just volunteered you at their school."

Charity fundraiser