Parent Volunteer Gifts

'I nominated you for class mother elections and you won.'

'4 Jello desserts - and, for the love of God, please make them all the same color.' (at restaurant with three kids)

"Cheers mate, you've done me a solid."

"Don't listen to her! She's a cuckoo: what would she know about parenting?!"

'I should warn you about my father. He's a landscape gardener.'

"We can't actually pay you, but your work will get a lot of exposure."

"We're going to have to think outside the box to boost sales, minion."

'I wasn't playing hooky -- I was fleeing the deteriorating public school system.'

'Today we will lock the monkey in a room...' 'Why do I volunteer for this?'

"It's all significantly less impressive once you realize these guys had free child care."

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Antiwar Democrats Get Tough

'You can't start them exercising too early.'

Interning in D.C. Volunteering in Seattle. Trekking in Nepal. Lucky ducks! I'm stuck here working 2 jobs! Wow! You're getting paid?!! Who knew? Employment is this summer's must-have status symbol. Some parents envy you.

Bake Sale! To benefit our town animal shelter

'Here's another email from a parent, written in lower case with no punctuation and seventeen spelling errors, demanding we do a better job of teaching social skills.'

"I volunteer for the Samaritans. I tried to phone in sick this morning but they talked me out of it."

'We're a voluntary organisation John, they're not meant to pay for it.'

'It's your husband. The baby won't burp for him.'

Where did Mommy go? Turtle Peekaboo.

'Let me introduce my biggest supporter, a real whale of a guy, a huge fan..'

Professional Fund Riasers

'They're all hoping Kate Middleton will help them to cross the road.'

Charity mugger

'Dad, have you ever thought about retiring and going in for volunteer work?'

"What is the battle cry for homeschoolers?" Kids: "Go Home!"

'Er...any chance that when you've finished with the kids, the cooking and washing up you could help us develop a new waste management recovery system for the borough?'

"Oh, hello darling..."

Cheese Call Center

It's "Wolverines Without Borders" ... They want you to perform classic Fusco material in developing countries where people don't have access to the comics.

"Seems another philanthropist has beaten us here."

"Give my kid a passing grade and you could be looking at many more nice apples."

'So, for the next three months while your brain is healing, one of our neurology volunteers, Karl, will be helping you think.'

'Stop nagging! I'm fathering.'

Charity fundraiser