Parent Of A Messy Child Pillows

Lady to lady about messy kid: 'Maybe we should have named him Spot.'

'Bad luck duck - he's on your side of the bed.'

Impracticle Guide to Having Babies: 'Feeding'

"Where's your nose?"

Two children play with a pedal bin

'That one's going to be a klutz.'

"I can hardly wait for him to start leading a life of quiet desperation."

"Geese fly in a V, son--attorneys fly in a wedge."

'Now, you've been naughty, you're in time out! I'll turn you over in five minutes!'

'That kid! He forgot it again!'

"My fella was chucked out of the water-birth for running around the pool and bombing."

'...and please God, protect the social security fund for another sixty years.'

'I'm here, Mom, hanging out with some friends.'

You and your alternative pregnancy.

"Congratulations, counselor - it's a baby boy, with a full set of teeth."

'He followed me home. Can I keep him, mum? Can I?'

'Monster mobiles.'

Baby with a full diaper 'Load Rage'

"I'll explain later."

'Congratulations! It's an omelette!'

Boho Bribes

'Hello? Animal control?'

"Have you seen his sippy skull?"

'for the record, it tasted like black licorice.'

'Yeah, my Mum is a clean-freak too: I have to wash my food before I eat it...'

'No kid, I don't remember your mother! Christ, I've impregnated DOZENS of test-tubes!'

Newton's Cradle

"You know what I love? Rolling in dead squirrel." "Oh, my God, yes! How about peeing on the floor at Petco?!" "Wait, wait–what's the farthest distance either of you have rubbed your butt across a carpet?!"

Supermom meets her match - super kid.

"I'll hold the kid eventually. I just don't want it to develop a false sense of entitlement."

Tooth Pulling Cork