Parasite Punster Pillows

'Who do you suppose is this Bill Harzia everyone screams about? Someone who drowned here?'

'I wouldn't say this wine's name is long, but it's continued on the bottle next to it.'

"Whenever he shows up everything turns to crap!"

Intelligent people laugh too!

You too?! I go around feeling half asleep all the time also!

I'm allergic to parrots, so I got an aaaarrrrdvark.

"Bad dog! I've told you to always proofread."

"Are your eel rolls electric?"

Assault 'n' Vinegar

"Hey, pal, let's hear 'Doggie in the Window' again, and this time play it like you mean it!"

'Poor Kleinzweck -- his working hypothesis got laid off.'

"Nope, I still only have one bar."

Sweep the board.

'It's the report from the consultant. He says we should turn over the turnovers to improve turnover.'

'I've been a nervous rex all day.'

"Not to brag or anything, but I'm the elephant in the room at my company."

'Did you watch the horror movie?'

"I'm new here. How much do we leave for a tip?"

Look! Up in the sky! It's absurd! It's inane! It's Malaprop Man! Malaprop Man, I hear you're fighting climate change now. Yes starting with solo panels, I'm reducing greenhouse guesses! I'm investing in buttery technology. I'm going to have windmeals. And of course, I've stopped drinking cola. Why is that? I'll have a smaller carbonated footprint!

Adam names the animals (He puts sticky notes on them saying Shaz, Dave, Trish etc).

'Iguana know what time it is.'

Water is discovered on the moon....

'What did I tell you? There's always a catch to those bargain internet travel fares...'

Dogs life

STRIP God' s dog urinating on planet Earth

"No chips, but I did snag the new Hiaasen."

"Where were you between 4 and 6?"

'It's worse than we thought: You've got termites.'

Dog Walker

"Moby Richard by Herman Melville" "Wonderful! Not sure about the title—let's discuss editor."

"So is this war movie rated R, rated PG, or rated RPG?"

'He bought a donkey because he thought he might get a kick out of it.'

Reptile Class: 'My homework ate my dog.'

'Hi, this is Batman. You've reached the Batcave. I'm not in right now but as soon as I return I'll call you bat.'

Pet Cemetery.