Parasite Pundit Gifts

Host Families Required

'Your videotape's intriguing - But it still doesn't prove that they really exist.'

The Government's Got Your Back. And Wants Your Front As Well.

Eldrow

"What your memoir really needs is an addiction."

Corona Funeral

"The inhabitants of Pluto today declared Earth not a planet..."

"That's a very difficult problem to address, Ted, could you restate it as a solution?"

"Suppose you tell me why you want to be a faceless drone at Globatron Inc.?"

"Says, property of the I.R.S."

Sputnik V

The Canary in the Coal Mine

Statue of Liberty and Hand Sanitizer

"Fact amnesty"

Bill hits the ground running, makes a big splash early on, and rides a roller-coaster of insane popularity right into the "Where Are They Now?" Wilderness of Forgotten Celebrities.

Mister Bundles VS. The Martians - Part Seven

"Let's not try to make this symbolic. Of anything."

Johnson allows the Delta variant to run wild in Britain

"There's the pressure from my public, naturally, as well as the pressure from my publisher, my agent, and all that. But the real pressure comes from that devil inside that makes me different from other men, that makes me a writer. But, of course, you know all about pressure, grinding out those papers at Sarah Lawrence."

"We'd like to publish it, do nothing to promote it, and watch it disappear from the shelves in less than a month."

New scenario with the vaccine

"Darn COVID19 lockdowns! Master has decided to try his hand at home grooming..."

"Look at all of the happy Nebraskans returning to work now that I've cut their federal covid unemployment benefits."

CIA. Office of Disinformation. Please Use Other Door.

"Your book stinks—we want to publish it."

"I don't care what you read on your Facebook feed, the Covid vaccine will not turn you into a zombie flesh eaters."

'Never roll your eyes while the boss is talking.'

"Prospectus in not spelt P...R...O...A...G...A...N...D...A."

Big Bubba Is Watching You!

'This doesn't work as a heart-felt plea for world peace, but with some astute editing, it might be great on a greeting card.'

Hog magazine with litters to the editor dept.

Rubbish, Poppycock, Balderdash

"As a cost-cutting measure, for our fall list we have decided to bypass traditional bookstore sales and subsequent remaindering, and instead go directly to the shredder."

"This plaque shows nine planets, but their transmissions say their system has eight."

Pie chart - What were we studying, again?