Paranoid Pet Parent Pillows

'No! No! Don't give that chocolate to the dog! It's poison!...'

"Lassie, go get help!" "Oh Timmy you idiot! Not again!"

"We found the poor thing stranded on the beach last summer and decided to adopt it."

"Fish needs a bigger bowl."

"See? I told you changing his food would be traumatizing."

'...I already have 26 cats, why not 27...'

"Better bring me another cookie. The last one fell in the water."

'I'd say he's 10 percent 'pet' and 90 percent 'Lord and Master of All He Surveys'.'

"Why do they do that?"

'It's a deal, lets sniff bottoms!'

"I figure if I was still employed, I wouldn’t get to spend all this time with you!"

"My emotional support dog ate my comfort food."

'When he's happy he can cool the entire downstairs.'

Facts of life - The birds and the dogs.

"They think we're their best friend. Just play along with it."

Dog chews 'The Cat Book'.

"Quick, start the car!"

"You mustn't pull the cat's tail so hard it tugs the head inside, sweetie!"

"It get it – you're hungry."

"I think therefore I am." "Bow Wow, Bow Wow, Bow Wow."

Cat Nip.

"You were right: I don't like water, but I do love snow!"

Pinocchio's nose used by cat as a scratching post

"He was a very good boy."

"I know it’s an issue, and we’re working on it in therapy."

"Can I keep them? I found him on the internet?"

Raw food, after you leave for work.

"Hey Lady this is a sixty zone!"

"Okay, you both know the rules: no trash talk, no batting the other guy all over the house if he’s unconscious, watch the claws and nails..."

"Has anyone seen the dog?"

"Live in the sunshine, swim in the sea, drink in the wild air." — Ralph Waldo Emerson "Catch tennis balls in the mouth." — Me

"I wrote this next song about my cat. It's called 'Please stop rubbing your face against my computer screen when I'm trying to watch Narcos.'"

A Copy Editor and His Dog

Cat fishing whilst fish fly overhead.

"Is this any way to treat 'Man's best friend'?"