Paranoid Eater T-Shirts

"The penicillin looks good."

'Be honest. Does this double bacon cheeseburger with large fries and shake make me look fat?'

The Government's Got Your Back. And Wants Your Front As Well.

No Immediate Danger

"The salad should be delicious. We ordered it with lots of extra bacon bits."

"Please don't kill me."

Trust

Conspiracy Theory Bookstore: JFK, Princess Di, and Osama Bin Laden.

Conspiracy Cat

"If it's nothing serious' why did you put on five pairs of gloves?"

'Hello, Ebeneezer! It's me - the ghost of coming dinner!'

Hypochodriac worrying about his heart.

The Nervous Gourmet:Low-Risk Chicken

'I checked my symptoms on the internet and I think I might be dead!'

'The computer can talk to terminals all over the country. Bentley thinks it's talking about him.'

"When it's extremely cold out, I prefer flambés to winter stews."

"You never call, and the federal government will back me up on that."

All You Can Eat Buffet: "Remember, my safe word is 'Diabetes.'"

"I'll get the onion soup... it's the only thing on the menu that I don't know why it's bad for me!"

"Welcome to the neighbourhood. I hope you like savory pies."

'Of course they're not working. You're not supposed to have appetite suppressants for dessert.'

"I know the schools are great, but is this really the house we want to ride out the apocalypse in?"

How melanoma researchers take family summer vacations.

'I don't know what it is...I just have this funny feeling like I'm being followed.'

'Two more strawberry creams and that's my ' five a day' taken care of....'

'Don't open that attachment!'

Food-Snob Fear Factor

"Geoffrey's a bit worried about Lyme disease."

"...And never take candy from strangers -- They might be spies!"

"All our devices are talking to each other - about me."

It occurred to Norman that he was using far, far too much salt.