Paranoid Thinker T-Shirts

"...And never take candy from strangers -- They might be spies!"

My Bookshelf Before the Internet

No Immediate Danger

The Government's Got Your Back. And Wants Your Front As Well.

"You dropped yer wallet."

'It's a program on paranoia. Every time I leave the room, they stop and wait for me to come back.'

Trust

"He says he's not running away. . . he's just going off the grid."

"Says, property of the I.R.S."

T-Shirt reads: 'Out of mind, I won't be back.'

Conspiracy Cat

"The penicillin looks good."

"Is this as good a bad time as any other bad time you've experienced?"

"If it's nothing serious' why did you put on five pairs of gloves?"

"It's Eden. You don't have to keep checking for ticks."

Hypochodriac worrying about his heart.

'Do you get the feeling we're being watched?'

'I checked my symptoms on the internet and I think I might be dead!'

'I keep thinking I'm being watched...'

"You never call, and the federal government will back me up on that."

Big Bubba Is Watching You!

'The computer can talk to terminals all over the country. Bentley thinks it's talking about him.'

"It's great things are back to normal, except that there are people everywhere."

'The last guy had a system... if you've got a better one, I'd sure like to see it.'

'I can feel it, Henderson - Someone out there is up to no good.'

Caterpillar Paranoia

"Bernie has fear of commitment - He thinks the American Psychiatric Association is out to get him."

"Welcome to the neighbourhood. I hope you like savory pies."

It's 10PM. Do you know if you're under electronic surveillance from a spy satellite?

'Talk about paranoid. He reads the fine print on his money.'

"I have this nagging feeling that cartoonists are everywhere, drawing everything I do."

"I know the schools are great, but is this really the house we want to ride out the apocalypse in?"

'I'm not a guru. I just came up here until the ebola scare goes away.'

How melanoma researchers take family summer vacations.

'Well, we've probed and diagnosed you thoroughly and still have found nothing. Now Dr. Thompson here would like you to lie down in his office for a special 'hypochondria scan.''