Paranoid Planner T-Shirts

"I know the schools are great, but is this really the house we want to ride out the apocalypse in?"

"He says he's not running away. . . he's just going off the grid."

Three dozen scones, three dozen boxes of your best tea

'I have no intention of depending on the government for my homeland security.'

"Skin cancer. . . terrorism, I'm not taking any chances!"

No Immediate Danger

The Government's Got Your Back. And Wants Your Front As Well.

Conspiracy Cat

"If it's nothing serious' why did you put on five pairs of gloves?"

Hypochodriac worrying about his heart.

'I checked my symptoms on the internet and I think I might be dead!'

"You never call, and the federal government will back me up on that."

'The computer can talk to terminals all over the country. Bentley thinks it's talking about him.'

Animals looking at a map of the crops on a farm.

Caterpillar Paranoia

At The Clown Bank.

"Welcome to the neighbourhood. I hope you like savory pies."

"And then yesterday, I had an epiphany: The best way for me to overcome my paralyzing fear of a global ecological/economic collapse is to find a way to turn it into a lucrative career!"

"He's given up trying to find anything else he can cut to reach 40% savings."

The other day during the zombie apocalypse

How melanoma researchers take family summer vacations.

'I'm not a guru. I just came up here until the ebola scare goes away.'

'My backup special...'

Things You Should Know About...

'I don't know what it is...I just have this funny feeling like I'm being followed.'

'I'm fully organized. Now I can freak out in some kind of order!'

The final days of hair coloring

'The end is near.'

'If the Mayan calendar is right, how should I back up my files?'

"Chief, I'd like a four-year sabbatical to prepare for the millennium."

"My cousin is lucky, he lives on the 14th floor. I'm sure he has a great view of the end of the world."

"Geoffrey's a bit worried about Lyme disease."

'Every friend is a potential security breach.'

"It's my life line in case the rapture happens, so I'm not left behind."

"All our devices are talking to each other - about me."