Par Master Gifts

Paul Lawrie

"Same story every morning - 'Can you come and fix our windmill?'..."

'Pass it to Dewey! He's got himself into some kind of rhythm!!'

Canned laughter for sale in Theatrical Supplies shop.

'Their daughter plays the violin.'

'I can't get out! -- I lost the owner's manual!'

During his financial report to the board of directors, Ted hits the poignancy button by mistake.

'Tommy's book reports are like no other.'

'I bet you could walk down the aisle blindfolded now,eh,Gloria?'

Remote control wars.

"We need to work on our people-friendly image you jackass."

"And this all happened in the last week..."

'His next appointment is on the 17th when the clock's little hand is on the two and the big one's on the nine.'

'To find out how to start your new mobile, please read the manual. T' read the manual, please start your mobile.

"You never seem to hear a word I say to you!"

"It's Cinderella?!?"

'You've got to admit, Harvey, the barbecue sauce is REALLY hot down here!'

"Let’s run through that scene again with just the table and the lamp."

Wilfried Zaha

'Miss Wilson, get on the web and find me everything on bottles!'

-Psst! Back me in the 4:30! -Oh! -Surprised I can talk, huh? -No, surprised you think you can win!

"So your agent doesn't like your lawyer, and your PlR. people don't like your manager. They all like you."

"The instructions state that some anger, frustration and confusion is expected."

"Have you tried turning it off and on again?"

'Well done! I've never heard anyone slip from jargon into gibberish and out again with such ease!'

'Please don't read anything into the minutes, Ms. Thomas. Just reading the minutes will suffice.'

Servant talking to her old master about her new position

"Juding by your expression, your mom made kale for dinner."

"Looks like from now on Jerry's going to be reading about Monday night football in Tuesday morning's paper.

'Good. Now slide the 'O' ring over the hubble's sleeve there in front of you.'

Checking watch

"A wet winter. but we're making the best of it."

"Well, I thought installing a kitchen faucet without having to call the plumber was a pretty good 'praise'."

Man using a trampoline to reach and prune a tree.

'If you have anything of importance to tell me, for goodness sake, begin at the end.'