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Speech - no, he's going to ask his boss for a rise.

'It's called 'Oh Bugger It!' if you must know!'

'Look, Dad, I made a pair of boots out of your chest waders.'

'No, that wasn't your mother calling to ask if you were okay. That was your mother calling to ask if I was okay.'

Barrister asking a witness to produce burnt papers

"Holy smoke. What kind of frosting is that?"

"Well? Have I hit it yet?"

'Welcome aboard, Peterson.'

"And I suppose cleaning up after yourself just once would in some way stifle your precious creativity."

"Apparently, he had occasional sober periods."

"It was a mistake to let the children chose their own instruments for the new music class...I have eleven cymbals, and Billy Fitzgerald chose the bagpipes!"

Steadman - The Early Years.

A recurring crisis at the Farkinski farm

"I have a system."

'911!'

'The cat did it.'

"My dog ate my parents' marijuana, and then ate my homework."

'Believe it or not you're our greatest liability Jones!'

Paint fight art!

'No, you can't have my old file cabinet. I'm using it as a paper-weight for all the stuff I'm too lazy to file!'

"Don't let the organized desk fool you. I have no idea where my computer files are."

'Surprise!'

'We're looking to expand our globalization into countries that don't extradite.'

Another Timmy Pet Fail!

"Mijo, just do what you always do before you write a paper...it's obviously working!"

Stories to Keep You Up At Night

Bureaucracy in Food Production

"Inspiration"

'Bill's alarm clocks were going off early today.'

A severe case of getting up on the wrong side of bed...

"You don't get a lot of work done, Jenkins, but I admire how thoroughly unstressed you are."

"The trouble with teaching music is everyone is dancing to a different tune."

Children and cat crashing on cart

"Mom! Jonah's engaging in nation-building again!"

'It looks like Barracuda Construction is attempting a hostile takeover.'