Painting Appreciator Gifts

"You have a Picasso?"

"That's rubbish!"

God putting the finishing touches to the Pug.

"I would like a tube of lemon yellow, cadmium red, cobalt blue, ivory, black, and zinc white, a sixteen-by-twenty canvas, a couple of brushes, and that book 'Painting in Oils'."

Fertility goddess. Nanny goddess.

Misunderstood artist

"I don't know anything about art, but this is a damned good Martini."

"No - you’re right. It’s dumb."

"Just when you're about to lose faith in humanity, you see Shakespeare in the Park."

"Now this I get."

'Number two. That's the art that offended me.'

'I'm looking forward to parents' night. I'm going to ask these people their diet secrets.'

Scarpia's Palace

'It's not easy painting hummingbirds.'

'It's not as easy as you think - saddle sores, bursitis in the shoulder, pigeons...'

Juggler and Illusionist

Would you make up your mind? I can't keep letting you in and out all day.

"Stop complaining and smile! It's a job, isn't it? NO wonder they call you Mona!"

'It doesn't do anything, it's just a very pleasing shape!'

"Which way to the Mona Lisa? We're double-parked."

"This one's called 'Incarceration.'"

"Good, clean art from the Molly Murphy Collection"

"I like it, honey ... it speaks to what a waste of time your MFA was."

"He begged his wife and kids to join him in Tahiti, but he didn't mean a word of it, the bastard."

Two monks play tic-tac-toe with calligraphy-style 'x's and 'o's.

"I thought I'd add a punch line."

Leonore from Fidelio

Leaves falling out of a painting.

"I don't know what happened, your holiness! I painted the ENTIRE CEILING!"

'I agree, this artist will go far and he should start right now!'

Before Dogs Knew How To Play Poker,

Artist on the Beach

"It has great depth, realized with such a unique economy of paint application... yet, there remains a curious aura of drivel I can't dismiss."

'Magnolia, Michaelangelo, the ceiling was meant to be magnolia!'

'Can't you forget you were an art teacher?'