Paint Connoisseur Gifts

'Frankly, I think watching paint dry has been given a bad press.'

Project Length As Measured In Dog Years

"Unfortunately, once the child contracts Pokémon, he lives with it forever."

"We seem to be spending more on defence than on things to defend"

Assault 'n' Vinegar

Saint George and the Drag Queen

'Why me Lord?' '...because yo have animal magnetism Noah...'

bird interprets modern art

'What was that?!' 'A 'Mach'-ing bird.'

Hang on...I've got WINGS..!!!

'You just don't know when to stop, do you?'

Goat about goat: 'He's no longer gruff since he's been on Prozac.'

'With all the tanning lotion, sun block and moisturizers, we're more coated with batter than the onion rings!'

Ideas Ahead of their Time

"And that's General Ambrose T. Spangler. He died in the Great Mustache Fire of 1897."

'Yes, can I help you?'

"This is a great school but it wasn't my first choice."

'Well, I guess we're the control group.'

Kid with plaster cast being sawn off.

"I believe it took a team of twenty five, working six months at a cost of �250, 000 to come up with that."

Apothecary. Tell us what ails you. We'll concoct a chemical mix to dissolve in water which will fix you. Every problem has solution!

"I've considered portraiture, but everyone is so ugly."

"Perhaps in my next life I'll be a jpeg."

Cocktail glasses swimming in the sea.

A Witch Consults Her Magic Mirror

Marriage a la Mode - Death of the Earl.

"Hamlet. By William Shakespeare." Painting.

'It's not easy painting hummingbirds.'

"That's Bob. He's a bit of a wing nut."

The Death Of Venus

"Stop complaining and smile! It's a job, isn't it? NO wonder they call you Mona!"

Curators at the Louvre Museum would regret approving the installation of a work on a wall behind the Mona Lisa.

'Oh my! He finally proposed!'

"Which way to the Mona Lisa? We're double-parked."

"I got a red card for not having enough fun!!"